How We Talk to Them Becomes Their Inner Voice

While working as a teacher and coach, I (Sarah) started to talk differently to my students. I realised that the way I spoke to them (and encouraged them to speak to themselves and each other) could make a difference to their self talk and self worth.

"Ms Aldous, I keep getting these questions wrong. I'm a failure."
"Ah, what I'm hearing is that you're not a master yet."

"Ms Aldous, I keep getting these questions wrong. I'm not a master yet."
"Ah, you're not a master yet. Would you like to tell me what you have tried so far?"

"Ms Aldous, I keep getting these questions wrong. I'm not a master yet. Here's what I've tried so far."
"Ah, thanks for explaining that you've started and tried a few things. Would you like a suggestion?"
"Yes, please! Thank you."

"Ms Aldous, I keep getting these questions wrong. Can you listen while I tell you what I've tried so far?"
"Ah, thanks for sharing what you've tried so far. Would you like a suggestion?"
"No, thanks! While talking, I realised what I want to try next."

"Ms Aldous, I keep getting these questions wrong. Can you listen while I tell you what I've tried so far? Don't give me a suggestion, just listen so I can decide what I want to try next."

What do you say to your students/colleagues/children/friends/family that you hope will become part of their self talk? Join the conversation on Linkedin.

Thanks to Jude I. for inspiring this post with his reflection about talking to students: “How can I love you if I can’t even love myself?”